Mother’s Day: A Mother’s Love Never Dies
With Mother’s Day just around the corner, memories of a mother who is no longer among the living can be especially difficult. Grief by definition is a tough moment to get through and when you are left mourning the loss of a mother, it can be extremely difficult. My own mother passed away after a brief illness and although it has been almost three years, I can still feel her absence. Interesting however, is how strongly I can feel her presence. A few months after the funeral, it seemed as though I was lost and consumed with heavy grief. Although I would go about my day -taking care of my children, working and all of the other duties that consummate doing and living- I was still in a lot of pain. Once in the middle of a crying spell, I could almost hear my mother telling me to knock it off. “Come on now, pull it together”, is what the message seemed to be telling me. For me this was comforting, as she seemed to be guiding me in death similar to the way she always had during her life-sternly and with complete exactitude. At other times – happy times- like when my oldest child was acknowledged during her school assembly or if I spoke to a distant relative, within my heart I perceived my mother’s presence amidst the business of the living and directly vested in the well-being of the family. There have been countless other times where I have felt her spirit voice still encouraging me. Regardless to where you are within the cycle of grief, by using the felt presence of your departed loved one you affirm your own life and honor the person who has made the great transition.
How to Make Mother’s day an Honored Day
Patience is Key:
Having patience with yourself is a top success tool when dealing with almost any situation. In terms of grief, know that the cycle may be unpredictable. There may be days where you are full of life and optimistic as well as days where it feels as if you are back at square one. Mother’s Day, a recognized holiday celebrated all over the country, is likely to bring your grief to the surface once more. When this happens; say it aloud or say it to yourself, This is normal and this too shall pass.
Honor the Presence:
As I have stated above, the presence of your mother is forever lasting. To honor the presence is to honor the spirit and life of your mother and there are many ways to do this.
- When you get the thought of your mother smile to yourself and know that all is well.
- Mother yourself through self-care. Take a walk, get a massage, and embrace yourself as your mother did or as you wish she had done.
- Create a Mother’s Day ritual. Maybe take your children to the cemetery for a visit. Make a dish that your mother used to make and share it with someone else. Visit an Aunt or another person who could use some company on Mother’s Day.
Avoidance can last only for so long before the walls begin crashing down. The only true way to get through the darkest moments of grief is to feel it. To grieve is to have a normal reaction to loss and need not be hidden.
One of the hardest parts in dealing with the loss is what it means to move on. Moving on refers to working through the stages of grief irregardless to how it presents itself – as each of us is different and each of us grieves differently. So let me be clear, the idea that we are to move on in terms of the grief process is what must be done. The notion that we are to move on and forget the person who has died is not the goal and in my opinion is not even an option. The presence of our beloved departed will persist throughout the course of our lives. The love and bonding that is formed during the course of our lives with our mothers is independent from the particulars of the relationship and will remain in our hearts forever.
Follow the Leaders:
If you have lost someone, remember to call their name, speak of them, and honor your memories. Follow the wisdom from Ancient Africa, which states; For as long as the name is called the person is not forgotten.
In Memory of My Momma ~ Ms. Annabelle